Follow up

Got a request for an update so I’ll go ahead and give a quick follow up.

“Jen” agreed to a custody agreement granting me sole custody. She has since moved some 3,000 miles away. My daughter and I had to move in with my father but she is getting a lot of love and we’re both doing well. I’ll post some more when I get time.

Peaks and Vallies

Jennifer admitted today that she is not mentally prepared to be a mother. She also admitted to being child like and has never actually “grown up.” This is very brave and respectable to admit, it must kill her inside, although she doesn’t seem to upset. We’ve worked out a preliminary custody agreement which only needs to be drafted by a lawyer and signed by us both. I only worry that her parents will pressure her into changing her mind and to fight me. Her parents, like Jen, treat my daughter, and Jen’s other daughter, as property to be owned, not loved and shared. I get the feeling that her parents are only concerned because my daughter is THEIR graddaughter and, even though they never met her, have some sort of stake in her. I understand that they may love her but from what I’ve noticed it’s more of a “mine, mine, gimmee , gimmee” deal. I also feel that if they don’t have ownership over my daughter they think it will reflect poorly on them, hense the attacks on Jen.

Hopefully all goes well.

Final Email

OBLINE,

If “Jennifer” whats to come home for a visit with your daughter she is welcomed. But I would prefer her to stay there if your daughter does not come. I would not want her to leave without her daughter. If she wants or needs help with anything she knows that we are here for her.
Our feelings for you is not hatred. The way we feel about you is due to way you behaved when we came to visit. When we first arrived you acted as if we were not there . And when you were asked to join us for our trip to SOMESTATE you did not what to go. Also the way you treat “Jennifer”, taking away the phone and cable wires and for not being responsible for your share of the household chores. How do you think we would feel?
I would prefer not to conitue with these e-mails unless “Jennifer” or your daughter need us and can not contact us. When necessary please have your lawyer contact us.

Thank You,
“Jane”

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Since she no longer wishes to continue the email’s I will respond here:

If “Jennifer” whats to come home for a visit with your daughter she is welcomed. But I would prefer her to stay there if your daughter does not come. I would not want her to leave without her daughter. If she wants or needs help with anything she knows that we are here for her.

This is classic denial. “My child isn’t a drug addict”, “My baby would never do that”, etc. Someone with a problem will rarely ask for help, that’s why they have INTERVENTIONS!

Our feelings for you is not hatred. The way we feel about you is due to way you behaved when we came to visit. When we first arrived you acted as if we were not there . And when you were asked to join us for our trip to Pennsylvania you did not what to go.

Before you ever got here you were talking bad about me. It wasn’t until maybe the third year your daughter and I were together that you finally called me by my name instead of “that guy.” How was I supposed to react to people who came into my house, offered me no respect as the man of the house and had previously treated me less than human.

And when you were asked to join us for our trip to SOMESTATE you did not what to go.

You seem to have a selective memory, let me remind you: “Jennifer” had called my mother a “crack whore” that day and I refused to do anything with HER, if you chose to leave her behind I would have went.

Also the way you treat “Jennifer”, taking away the phone and cable wires and for not being responsible for your share of the household chores. How do you think we would feel?

I took away the phone chord because SHE DIDN’T PAY HER BILLS! In what world do you live it that if you don’t pay rent or electricity/phone/cable bills do you continue to receive the service for free? Tell me, I want to move there. A normal person would wonder why the hell their daughter spent all her money on a concert instead of buying diapers for her daughter!

I would prefer not to conitue with these e-mails unless “Jennifer” or your daughter need us and can not contact us. When necessary please have your lawyer contact us.

OK, no problem. I wipe my hands clean of you and and your family. Have your lawyer contact me if you wish to see your granddaughter. Harsh I know but this is the final straw, I absolutely despise your family.

Have a nice life,

OBLINE

Lost Job

I will probably lose my new job. “Jen”’s brother decided he wanted to talk to me so Jen woke me up. I was up until 10:30pm and had to be at work at 3:30am, of course I over slept. In addition to that I have an underlying feeling that Jen will run away with our daughter. I think today is the day we start the legal precedings.

Also I’m pretty shocked at how Jen’s parent’s reacted to my email. They threatened to “never talk to Jen again.” I sent the email to inform them my daughter was not coming but also to let them know their daughter is in trouble. Instead of trying to help her they totally pushed her away. This is very discouraging to me but explains why they would instantly turn on me. I’m just some guy and it didn’t take long to alienate me but it the face of a true problem with their own daughter they started the process of alienating her. I have a feeling that Jen has a very twisted relationship with her I parents.

The Follow-up Emails

OBLINE,

I am not sure of what to make of your e-mail. I am not sure who to believe, you or my daughter. As a Mother I would tend to believe my daughter.
You need to understand my frustration with the whole situation. I would never make “Jennifer” stay here in Washington, of course it would be something (as a parent/grandparent) I would love. I am not conspiring with “Jennifer” to take your daughter away from you. If “Jennifer” says anything nice about you is that you are a “good Father” to your daughter. And which I am very thank full for.
If what you are telling me is correct I want what is best for my daughter and granddaughter. Stopping her from coming is wrong, but if “Jennifer” does not want to come that is fine. And I will be calling her and telling her so myself. We want to be a big part of your daughter’s life.
We have not come to see your daughter due to the fact that my mother is 83 and very ill. I have spent the last two years using my vacation time going to Arizona to be with her. In fact I spent a month helping take care of her earlier this year due to her falling, breaking her hip and having a heart attack. We had hoped that you and “Jennifer” would have come to see us. As we had asked her to do ever since your daughter was born. But you would not fly and “Jennifer” would not come alone. And just because we have not seen her does not mean in any way we don’t love and miss her always. We have pictures of her all over our home and speak of her always. I send her gifts and homemade item to her often. We will be coming to see your daughter in the future. Our lawyer will be in contact with yours, so please e-mail me his or hers phone number and address.

Thank You,

Jane and John Smith

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“Jane”,
Take what you want from my email about “Jennifer”, she’s acting like a child and lieing to me, you and her friends, but I don’t expect anything from it. I only wrote what I did because I’m concerned for her, it won’t happen again. If I have any advice for you it would be not to push “Jen” away but to bring her home and get her some serious help, she’s expressed to me, twice, her thoughts of suicide and from her behavior I can only deduce, as a I wrote before, that she is being self-destructive. None of this would be an issue had she not began to ignore my daughter and side step her responsibilities.

Your daughter woke me up from sleeping last night so your son could talk to me, apparently I’m “ignorant”, even though I still spoke to him after reading his remarks. I didn’t get back to sleep until 10:30 and missed worked because of my lack of sleep. I’ll forward my attorney’s information after I speak with them but mind you, every hour we fight about this will be taking food from my daughter and if I have to dip into her savings account it will be hurting her future. If we must, we must, as the saying goes.

I’d really like to avoid all this drama and I wish I would have never sent my previous email. If I had known that “John” wouldn’t speak to “Jen” anymore I would’ve just went along with her ruse and taken the blame.

I’m sorry to her about your mother and had I known, my previous email would not have been so heavy on your lack of seeing my daughter. The impression that I get, from what “Jennifer” tells me, is that you both, and your son, despise me. And there is no way I’d come and stay with people who hate me or, for that matter, allow my daughter to stay with people who hate me. I don’t feel my decision to stop my daughter is wrong (morally), I even asked “Jen”: if my father had treated her the way you two have treated me, would she let my daughter stay with them? “Jen” said “no.”

Sincerely,
OBLINE

Suicidal Tendencies

Jen has expressed her suicidal tendencies lately and I don’t know what to make of it. Today she said she should just “take the entire bottle of pills and just go to sleep.” Either she’s being overly dramatic (this isn’t the first time she spoken aloud about suicide) or she needs some serious help. How do you help people whom you’ve grown to hate and also don’t want to except your help?

The Email

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,
Hi, this is OBLINE, I am writing this email because I cannot locate your phone number and also I do not wish to alert “Jennifer” that I am speaking/writing to you, she does, however know the feelings that I am going to try and convey to you in this letter.

First off I’d like to say that I do not know what I ever did to you folks but I never meant to be ignorant in anyway, I am not, however, apologizing for any actions that I have made but maybe we can clear any misunderstandings up.

The bulk of this letter is going to reflect my opinions on your daughter and her current self-destructive downward-spiral. She has been drinking more often and smoking marijuana and has, lately, been bragging about “having sex with men” in my bed. You also may or may not be aware of the fact that she’s been staying out to 3am, 4am and sometimes 6am in the morning. If this were any other situation I would simply wipe my hands of the whole thing and walk away. Unfortunately for all of us this “situation” involves the love of my life: my daughter. After these nights of partying she routinely sleeps until 11am, of which, my daughter has been awake since 6:30-7am. She is leaving my daughter in bed, in a soaking diaper, with no food or drink for over 4 hours a day. This has been going on for sometime now and she refuses to set the alarm to wake up. I’m looking into daycare solutions as to ensure my daughter is getting the proper care. I’m also concerned, slightly, mind you as she has become unbearable to deal with, for “Jennifer”. I’m worried that she will slip into a spiral of which she won’t return. I don’t suspect she’s using harder drugs but it’s something I’m concerned about and wanted to bring to your attention. Your daughter spent the rent money on a concert in NY and you supplemented her poor judgement by “paying her bills.” If I had not been around my daughter would have been without electricity and, possibly, a roof over her head. She also has not paid her bills for this month either.

I’m also aware that she calls you and tells you how horrible I am, she tell’s a lot of people this. I can assure you that I am one of the few people on this planet that, at one time anyway, would have done anything for her. I also want to assure you that I’ve not beat your daughter, demanded anything from her EVER (except to live up to her responsibilities) and that she represents a very important part of my life.

Now for the part of the letter that I must make a decision as a Father. From what “Jen” has told me, “Jane” mainly, has been trying to get “Jen” to take my daughter and move back to Washington. She also tells me that you both have made very negative comments about me, “Jane” Smith on the phone questioned wether I had any “balls” and “John” Smith, later on the phone, threatened to “kick my ass.” As a Father I cannot permit my daughter to be around such a negative presence. I am not saying that you will speak poorly of me to my daughter but children are very perceptive and pick up easily on negative vibes. It is my decision as a Father and a Man that I regret to inform you that my daughter will not be joining “Jennifer” on her trip to Washington. If there are any problems with this we can all discuss this with my attorney. I am afraid that “Jennifer” will not return with my child and, as I wrote earlier, I don’t want my daughter exposed to your negative feelings towards me. Also I’ve never talked to your son Michael, except for saying “hello” when I answered the phone, but on a recent posting on the internet he made a disparaging remark about me and I am aware that you were to visit him during this trip. I have a copy of the comment if you want to see it.

With that being said, I will never stop you two from coming down and having supervised visitation with her. If you call me we can arrange a good time. I’m disappointed that you have not made an effort to come see her sooner, you are welcome to come and see your granddaughter. Further I am sorry that you spent the money for the ticket and had I known you and “Jen”, now this what “Jen” told me so do not “shoot the messenger”, were conspiring to take my daughter away I would have put a stop to this sooner. I will also, if I have the money, try and reimburse you for my daughter’s ticket, however I cannot promise this.

On a side note, “Jennifer” has asked me to “sabotage” the trip because she does not want to come. She wants me to take the blame so you will not be disappointed in her. I’m only telling you this as a courtesy and as I want to be honest.

If you have any questions please feel free to email me back or call. I have also sent a Carbon Copy of this email to my father, email@email.com , if you want to know how serious I am about my daughter or about “Jennifer” antics and how they have negatively impacted him and his girlfriend (pop and grandma) or if you have any questions about my integrity that you do not wish to ask me, please feel free to email him.

I encourage you to take me seriously with both, my concern for “Jennifer”, and about my daughter not visiting.

Finally, please, only reply to this email if you are going do so in an adult manner, I do not wish to engage in a negative discussion.

Sincerely,
OBLINE

The Buildup

I’m contemplating calling “Jen”’s parents and letting them know that Jen needs help and also that my daughter will not be flying to see them. I’m going to approach this in a serious and adult manner. I’m going to explain to them that firstly, if they get beligorant, I will hang up the phone, secondly, that their daughter is acting in a very self destructive way and finally that my daughter will not be coming out to see them for two reasons: I don’t trust Jen to behave responsibly; I do not appreciate them trying to convince Jen to go back to Washington and to take my daughter with her. In fact I should do it now.

The Trip

Well Jen is supposed to leave this Saturday to go visit her parents and I’ve already expressed my disapproval of my daughter going to visit people who dispise me. Well we fought and argued over it but this past Saturday I was talking to Jen and she said she doesn’t want to go, she says she wants me to tell her parents our daughter can’t come and that I wouldn’t take her to the airport so that she can get out of going. Jen is crazy. Instead of telling her parents “NO” she let them pay almost $800 for airplane tickets and now wants me to sabatoge it so she doesn’t lose face with her parents. Jen is crazy.

Also she keeps making remarks to the effect of “I had sex with someone in your bed” or she’ll walk around naked and if I happen to be standing their “don’t look at me, my boy friend wouldn’t like it.” I find it awkward that she continues to walk around nude and I repeatedly have asked her to dress appropriately. No go. And why she keeps mentioning a “boyfriend”, I don’t know, I suspect she trying to make me jealous? The part about her having sex in my bed is rather disgusting and I’ve asked her to move her stuff out of the room. I am going to be installing a look on the door.

On a much happier note my daughter, father, step mother and I had a blast this weekend. Friday we all went to the carnival and my daughter got to ride her first “real” rides and also she road a pony Today we rented a boat and spent several hours just cruising the open water. My daughter has also finally got a tan, she has been quite pasty since birth and although she’s a little red on the face, we made extra sure to lather the sun-tan lotion on, so she’s not burnt.

Repercussions

I was repremanded today becuase of the day I missed when Jen decided to party all night and not come home until the wee hours of the morning and now Jen tells me I need to take a day off so she can go to a concert. No way, I’m not going to lose this job because of her. She suggesed we leave her with her “bar buddy”, whom I wrote about earlier, but it will be a cold day in hell before my child goes anywhere near that lady. She also suggested we leave her with a friend of hers that Jen says beat her kids. Nope, not an option. So here it is: Jen goes to concert, I have to stay home, risking my job. I aksed her to not go, she refused. I asked her to come home instead of staying at a motel, she refused. It feels as though I’m raising my daughter on my own.