Hmmm

She told me she woke up at 9:30am, which is probably a lie, my daughter was probably up since 6:30 and didn’t eat until at least 10:30. She’s also going out tonight, which means she won’t be home until 2am, which means she won’t get up until 11am. She has no money for food (her friends are buying her cigarettes and what not) but she still has money to go out with her “friends who understand and love her.” Unfortunately these aren’t the best people in the world. Her bar friend has a 5 year old daughter but thank god that little girl has her grandmother to take care of her.

The friend who bought her cigarettes is a nice lady, with kids and she doesn’t party or go to the bar, but up until now “Jen” has been talking bad about her. Jen’s constantly compaining that she doesn’t like this lady but when she needs a ride to work or cigarettes… It’s surreal to sort of step back and she Jen use other people instead of me. It makes me regret that I’ve spent 6 years with her.

Her family

I asked Jen if she would let her daughter see my family if all they did was talk trash about her. She said “NO, but I’m still going” I really don’t think it’s in the best interest of my child to go and visit people who, for the past 6 years, have done nothing but talk bad about me. Her brother recenlty posted on Jen’s myspace account that I was a douche. I’ve never met him and I’ve been nothing but pleasent to him, her’s parents as well. I may have to put a stop to this trip. These people could have a very negative impact on my daughter towards me.

On an upbeat note my brother gave me some excellent advice: “You only live once, why spend it being unhappy?” So true.

I thought I’d do something nice…

On my way home from work today I stopped by McDonalds and picked up lunch, for everybody, yes, even “Jen”. You see she spent every dime she had on her trip to Buffalo, NY. She stayed at a hotel for 3 nights @ $135 a night. She’s been eating my dinner’s and breakfast that I bought for myself, so I decided to pick her some lunch up. I thought “You know what, she’s probably hungry, let me get her some lunch.” So I drive home and go in the house, she’s on the phone, since she hasn’t paid any bills I’ve asked her not to use the phone. In the “real world” she would’ve lost her phone, electricity, home, etc but in the world, where I feel bad for and support her even though she makes me miserable, she still has all these things. But I refused to give her money and I only leave the phone on in case of emergency. Anywho I give my daughter her lunch and get out mine and Jen’s. Apparently she didn’t see her meal and remarked to her “aunt”, on the phone, that I was a jerk because I got lunch and didn’t get her anything. Suprise, I did. Well it pissed me off so I refused to give it to her. She offered me sexual favors for the chicken nuggets but I passed.

For the next 10 minutes she was the nicest person to be around. I went downstairs to check my email and then made my way upstairs to find her sulking. I felt bad and offered her the nuggets: welcome back evil Jen I missed you. She went right back to being arrogant and smug. I realized I had just been “played”, again. I withdrew my offer and, now that my daughter is taking a nap, I came back downstairs. I’m noticing a pattern.

Awkward conversation

While trying to sleep for work “Jen” decided she wanted to talk to me. “Ok, what’s up?” I said. She proceeded to ask me if it was ok if her new boyfriend and her could have sex on the couch. This strikes me as odd. I told her I’d prefer her to not have sex with people on the couch, especially with our daughter in the house but I don’t know what she’s capable of, I’m concerned because I leave for work at such an early hour. Hopefully she’ll respect my wishes especially since she still hasn’t paid rent for last month or this month.

On a side note I asked her to talk to her doctor about her medication. I believe the prozac is effecting her judgement in a negative way.

Also noting that she has admitted that her mother is actively trying to convince her to take our daughter and run away to live in Washington state. I’m getting more nervous that Jen might not come back

Yesterday

I told Jen she was a bad mother, it broke my heart, but it’s true.

Smoking the Pot

I’m a free thinker. If people want to get high, whatever that’s there business, however when it comes to my family I don’t approve. I’m also not an angel when I was younger I made a lot of mistakes but I’ve managed to grow out of them. I drink the occasional beer, maybe once every couple months but that’s about it. Recenlty while “Jen” was courting her new boyfriend she’s been throwing party’s in our house. These party’s involved staying up until 4-5am, drinking and smoking marijuana. I can’t have that. I don’t know why Jen does this but if she were to be caught she would endanger her freedom and our daughter. What can I do? Do I call the cops? I can’t do that, I don’t want to see her in jail. I yelled and screamed but she ignored me. So I took some pictures of her smoking “pipe” and have saved them for future reference. I’ve also recently chased her and her slimey friends out of our complex’s parking lot while they were smoking pot and drinking until 4am because I wouldn’t let them in the house.

She hasn’t had a party here in awhile because before she was courting her new boyfriend and now that she has him she probably doesn’t want to bring him here to make out, they need to do that in private. Which is what she was doing whilst out to 6am and 3am this past week. Should I publish the pictures? I don’t know.

Today

Today will be interesting. Not only do I let Jen stay here and pay a small portion of the rent and bills I also let her use my car. Well it’s actually my father’s car but he’s granted me full access. Anyway today is the day I take the keys away. You have to understand our situation. Jen moved in with me, away from her family. My father and his girlfriend accepted her immediately with open arms and love. On the other hand Jen’s parent never accepted me and for the duration of our relationship they continued to try and talk Jen into leaving and coming to live with them. OK, they’re jerks but so what. It wasn’t until they began to tell her to take my daughter and run away that I began to see where Jen got her evil ways. Her parents are strange people. Jen had a daughter in a previous marriage, she gave temporary custody to of her daughter to her parents while she settled down. After awhile she began asking her parents if she could have her daughter back and they said NO. They refused to give her up, that is, until the father came with lawyers. So they settled they would give Jen’s daughter to Jen’s ex-husband. Ok. Here’s the messed up part: instead of including Jen in the proceedings they did it without her. They also fought to have a clause in the custody document so THEY could have visitation rights but they neglected to include the child’s mother. So when I found out that they were telling Jen to take my daughter, coming from people who never came to see my daughter, even canceling plans to come see her, I was upset. They called and Jen handed me the phone. Her mother was in the process of saying how much of a “pussy” I was and that “if [I] had any balls I’d stand up and be a man.” When she was done I let her know how I felt and promptly hung up the phone. Jen’s father called back a few minutes later threatning “to kick your ass, boy” I’m not much of a fighter but if he wants to fight he needs just come and throw a punch, he never did.

Where was this going? Oh yeah: my father and his girlfriend accepted Jen and even sided with her on some of our arguments. And even after they found out the way she was treating my daughter they still gave her the benifit of the doubt. Well now I’m taking the keys away and I told my father. “Let her boyfriend drive her to work.” I was shocked that he said this considering how much he loved Jen. It really is a testament to how, through her own actions, she has managed to, not only alienate, but completely destroy any respect she has earned from the the three people that have been closest to her these past 6 years.

Friday, my 3rd day

I’m determined to go to work today, I have to. I wake up at 3am and look around. Good Jen is home, our daughter will be OK. I goto to work and I actually like it, it’s not the greatest job but it’s good honest work. I was having a good day. Around 9:30 am the boss-lady comes up and tells everyone to head home early because ran out of work to do. I’d rather not leave because I can use the money but I don’t have a choice. So home I go. I stopped off to pick up some lunch and arrive home around 10:30am. Usually when I get off of work I come home and my daughter is there to say “Hi” but I didn’t see her. I didn’t see Jen either. I set my lunch down and head up stairs. Hmph there’s Jen sleeping, where’s my daughter? I walk into her room and there she is with the most heart breaking look on her face. She had be laying there for over 4 hours in a soaking diaper with no food or water. “JEN get up! How dare you leave her in there while you sleep!” I was livid, my angel, the sole reason I continue to work crappy jobs and put up with the lunatic she calls momma, was looking at me in a way she never has before: “help me.” This has got to stop.

Thursday, the plot thickens

My official second day. After being late I wanted to make a good impression. My work ethic is strong, even if I hate the job, I still goto work on time, everyday and I do it to the best of my ability. So I wake up early, around 2:30, I have to be at work at 3:30am and I only live a short 15 minute drive from my new job, and I hop out off bed and look around. Hmmm no Jen. Maybe she slept on the couch, I’ll go look. Oh, she’s not there either. Maybe she’s in the basement. Uh no, she’s not here. Ok, no problem, I’ll call her cell phone. Voice Mail Damn-it. “Jen it’s me, I need to be at work at 3:30, please come home.” 15 minutes go by, I try again: “Jen, seriously I need you to be here to watch our daughter, come home.” It’s now 3am and I pissed. Even is she does come home SHE’S NOT GOING TO GET UP WITH MY DAUGHTER. I call my new work and explain the situation and tell them I won’t be able to work that day, my second day on the job, I called out, because she was out partying (later I found out she was with her new boyfriend). I was furious. She comes in at 3:30am, my start time, and of course I ask her what was the deal. She gave me a bunch of excuses and then went to sleep. I got my daughter out of bed at 7am, made her breakfast and then we hung out until Jen woke up at 11am. If I had gone to work my daughter, a 2 year old, would have been sitting in her crib for 4 hours unattended. I’m disgusted.

Wednesday

On Wednesday I was to start my new job. Had to be there at 3:30am. So I set my alarm and go to sleep. I don’t know what time Jen strolled in but I do know when my alarm went off she reached up and turned it off. God forbid reality interfere with her beuty sleep. I was offcially 45 minutes late to my new job on my second day.